a perfect sunday | it's personal.

you will find something more in woods than in books.

trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters.

{saint bernard}

a perfect sunday:

sleeping in a bit, morning coffee, brunch, a walk in the woods, my daughter's laugh, fresh air, birds singing, my camera, a chill in the air, my husband teaching annie anything, the perfect little christmas tree, hamburger on the grill, collecting fallen greens and filling window boxes, a hot shower, blow drying annie's hair, cuddles before bed and a bit of trash tv. yes. a perfect sunday. xo

the reason. | above.beyond

from the moment i first saw you

the second that you were born

i knew that you were the love of my life

quite simply the love of my life

{c. simon}

to my darling annie.

you are everything to me.

you are my reason.

i never knew motherhood could be like this.

each day something new.

watching you grow, 

expanding your world.

your heart is so pure with so much love.

your kindness and genuine interest in people are attributes that make my smile.

i learn from you.

my dream come true.

you + i were  meant to be.

and to  my husband, thank you for this gift of motherhood.

a path i was convinced i would never be on.

you entered my world and nothing will ever be the same.

xoxoxo

[into forever] | newburyport, ma

His friends are more than fond of Robin

He doesn't need to compliment them

And always as he leaves, he leaves them

Feeling proud just to know him

When Robin goes on holiday

There's no one livin' in our lane

Oh yes, folks still live in our lane

But they're not like Robin

Robin, I've never told you

But I'll be yours until we're old

Please learn to call me in your dreams

The way I'm lookin' at you is just as it seems

He's talked about before he gets there

Though he can never understand it

And I would like to be his alone

But I'm shy and can't demand it

But when Robin gives his love to others

There's no one living in my heart

Oh yes, I keep others in my heart

But they're not like Robin

{c. simon}

she held the photo in her hands and the sound of crying began. soft at first, but it became increasingly louder - she was so distraught. how can a 6 year old be so intuitive, so sensitive - she has a heart as big as the world and a kindness that is so touching. the photo she held in her hand was of robin. robin the cat. her cat. she remembers him. sadly robin left us when annie was about 3. but her memories of him are sweet. her favorite she told me, through her tears, were of her chasing him and pulling his tail and how he didn't even scratch her, "because he loved me mom, he really loved me". and it's true. this little guy loved annie. he was a bit of a "scaredy" cat - so having a baby in the house was new to him. but we would often find him napping in her bassinet, cuddled up around her blankets and sweet stuffed animals. he would sniff her freshly bathed head and was never far from where she was. annie had experienced her first loss in life, her beloved robin. and it still stings. there are times it hits her like a freight train and her sadness is unconsolable. like last night. she cried for an hour. clutching her framed photo of her first love. falling on the bed in tears. her little shoulders quivering up and down with each sob. it made me cry to think how sad this little girl of mine was. how truly heartbroken. we have robin's ashes in a beautiful wooden box with a plaque - his name engraved in brass - and his years on this earth. {she refers to them as robin's "rashes" and i never ever had the heart to correct her - i know i must, but really how sweet is that}. as i cradled my little girl, she asked  me to play his song. the carly simon song from which he was named - but she soon asked me to turn it off because it made her even  more sad to hear his name being sung. the truth is, he was a wonderful pet who is missed tremendously and loved so dearly. and wouldn't he be so happy to know that his little annie still cries for him and that he was once and still is - so cherished, into forever.

[on the ice] | newburyport, ma

in winter when the biting breezes

blow and the water freezes,

then it's time, it's time to go

skating on the ice.

choose a day that's bright and clear,

bundle up from toe to eear;

it's the time, the time of year

for skating on the ice

i perch upon the snowy rocks

and pull on both my woolen socks;

i lace my skates and tie them fast

and then i'm up and off at last.

i cannot make a figure eight

i still have trouble going straight

but just the same i  love to skate,

to ice skate on the ice.

{mary ann hoberman}

                    {film:kodak bw400cn}

{hot chocolate. ice. and various knit wear courtesy of urgent need handworks}

[here is christmas] | boston, ma

The night was black and velvet

 The stars were all around

 A stranger landed lightly on the frosty ground

 His eyes were wide with wonder filled with stars and space

 He'd searched the heavens over till he found this place

 A sweet and snowy carol echoed in his ears 

A song so faint and distant, so strong it drew him here

 Here is Christmas come inside, here is Christmas far and wide

 A thousand candles burning bright

 Here is Christmas shining in our eyes

{a.wilson - n. wilson - r. zito}

we were sure we made the right decision to change up christmas this year by this reaction.  the boston ballet's nutcracker on christmas eve in my beloved boston, dinner at teatro, a cozy room at the gorgeous nine zero, cookies and milk for st. nick, a bubble bath in a large tub, a christmas story on repeat, the beautiful boston roof tops, the sleepy city from our window, hot coffee and croissants delivered to your bed, the delight of santa presents in a hotel room, an early morning walk christmas day on the common, the calm cold air, pho in chinatown, the excitement of driving home to newburyport, did santa come while we were gone?!!! 

what do you think?!!

 best.christmas.ever. xoxo

[dreamboat annie] | newburyport ma

Heading out this morning into the sun

Riding on the diamond waves, little darlin' one

Warm wind caress her

Her lover it seems

Oh, Annie

Dreamboat Annie my little ship of dreams

{a. wilson + n. wilson}

my girl is 6 today. 6 years of delighting me. 6 years of filling up my heart. 6 years of growing and discovering and laughing and reminding. reminding me how truly blessed i am to be her mother. reminding me that dreams do come true. somewhere in the cosmos she + i were meant to be. as much as i long to hold that sweet little baby she once was, i am so in love with this very moment in her life. it is truly magical. she is such an easy child. she breezes in every morning and twirls through the day and quietly calms the night. she reads books i never had in my hand at her age, she questions everything, loves to have conversations. sitting at her table with pencil in hand she writes, she draws, she counts. the sponge in her brain absorbing it all - beware, this child doesn't miss a trick. she remembers the details. she remembers being in her crib, she remembers her baby house and thankfully she remembers toddling in the yard at my parents house in connecticut. if only for a moment. that warms my heart. oh how i wish my mom was here to help her blow out her candles. if you asked her she would tell you she is here - forever in her heart. my girl has such a kindness about her.

my sweet annie, i am wishing you the happiest of birthdays. followed by the happiest days. always. i love you from the farthest corners of my heart to the deepest part of my soul. you. my dreamboat annie. are everything. xo

[after the storm] | newburyport, ma

Heat's up, tea's brewed

Clothes strewn around the room

Looks like a wind swept through

{c. simon}

I walk Annie to school every morning. Right up until the moment we head out the door we are in full morning frenzy. A teeth brushing, hair brushing, backpack  packing, lunch making, shoe finding, coat buttoning, hat hunting frenzy.  Upon my return, when I close the door from the early morning chill, the house immediately feels so empty. I look around at the breakfast dishes, the crayons on the floor, the shoes in the middle of the room just waiting for me to trip over, the book opened to the page she was just a moment ago reading. I miss her. I know it’s silly; she’ll be back in 6 and a half hours. Still. The quiet is so loud. Everywhere I turn, there she is. Now don’t get me wrong, there is many a day I cherish this quiet. Many a day six and a half hours goes by in a flash. Many a day I get to breathe – just for me.

But there is many a day I miss that girl.

Like  today.

In the calm. After the storm, that is Annie. xoxo.

[heavy metal] | newburyport, ma

it's a heavyweight, the camera.

now we have modern and lightweight, small plastic cameras,

but in the '70s they were heavy metal.

{annie liebovitz}

there was a photograph of my grandfather hanging on the wall of the "porch" in our family home. i remember the brilliant color of the film - the reds - the blues - the hum of dimension, slowly fading with time and sunshine. my grandfather is standing there holding a fish he caught - his khakis rolled up to avoid being wet. cigar in hand. the glimpse of a grin as he looks toward the camera. i never met this man. but that one image will always be the catalyst for me for loving photography. with this deep desire of wanting to know him but also wanting to know how to capture that feeling. the one i felt as i stared at the photograph. i was holding my nikon n90s in my hand last night - a lovely little camera that always felt good in my hands. nice weight. i alwyas liked the sound of the shutter. why did i ever abandon it. what did it ever do to me. i hope it forgives my absence and welcomes me back with open arms or with an open aperture.

{i dare speak of film with digital imagery. my apologies to the film gods. images processed with film shift from red leaf studios and finished with jessica drossin textures - from the illuminations 2 series - veiled}

my sweet model - my fabulous niece erin manion - 

currently studying visual arts at western connecticut state university

[if i was 17] | newburyport, ma

If I was 17 I could find it in-between

The cushions of somebody's couch

I could find it. I could find it

If I was 17 I could find it in a dream

A dime a dozen kind of love

I could find it. I could find it

But I'm not 17 and I lost it in-between

The birthday cakes and fast mistakes

That roll by

Ba da ba ba da ba ba, ba da ba ba da ba da dum

{ingrid michaelson}

wishing my beautiful niece leah diana an incredible 17th birthday - you are my little beauty and i love you.

xoxoxoxo