the fourth of july | life.

most everyone i know leaves new york on holidays

the fourth of july is a little lonely here

and a little holy

fireworks out on the river + the boys all drinking beer

sing hallelujah for the year

{c. simon}

barn with peace sign. lincoln, massachusetts

dreamy.magical.summer | life

summer....filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light;

and the landscape lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.

{h.w. longfellow}

wellfleet, massachusetts

[thoughts at 12:47am] | life - above.beyond

 

i remember starting a journal when i was in high school and then again after i graduated college. but it didn't last. i always wrote as if someone was looking over my shoulder reading my words. so it wasn't really my truth, just a prettied up version of the truth for the eyes that i was convinced would read it. silly. i look back and wish i had with honesty and integrity written the thoughts of my 17th year and my 22nd year and my 34th year. i know i've changed, but to what degree? i still have the thoughts i had when i was 23 and i still listen to the same music when i was 28 and i read the same magazines i did when i was 36. and writing these numbers down and knowing i am well beyond them is sort of freaking me out! but regardless. i wish i was true to myself and not worry about what others thought but respectfully danced to my own tune. like patti smith. i adore patti smith. her poetry is so beautiful, her imagery with words is haunting and delightful and well, she's just plain cool. i like that she doesn't give a shit that her hair isn't combed perfectly in place and she doesn't wear lip gloss. i like that she isn't really aware that her hair isn't combed because she's too busy being herself. so articulate and insightful and genuine. i would love to spend the day with her. drinking tea and shooting and talking about birthing babies and how our parents influenced our lives and prayers and food and men and new york in the 70s. to be part of the beginning of all that. i can't imagine how wonderful that would be.  robert mappelthorpe and sam shepherd. all mingling in your world just doing their thing. i greatly admire this woman. she's the real deal. a true artist. humble and pure. happy in her life. but most of all happy in her own skin. there is much to be learned. i'm sure i was too busy admiring chrissie hynde and her coolness (and chrissie is very cool) to really be into what patti smith was and is all about. i admit i am discovering her beauty right now. and i think it has come at a very good time. the transition of my life as i approach yet another decade. i am ready to spread my wings and fly and i want some change. an infusion of meg is brewing away. i don't want to look back and think, crap, why didn't i just do it. and honestly, i don't even know what IT really is, i just know that it's there. i feel it's heartbeat and take it's temperature and keep it quiet and i'm tired of doing all that. the brink of discovery. just kids is a beautifully written book. a must read. and i enjoyed this interview tonight while annie sleeps beside me. savoring this moment. again.  i guess that's just where i'm at. wherever that may be. 12:47am 19 may 2012.

[like sparks] | life.

you ask me how things work.

i think of endless cycles, the hum + spin of everything.

so i tell you this:

hold the pale green stalk up high.

and then run hard so the wind will catch the wings of the dandelion seeds.

let them fall like sparks. like stars, back to the earth.

{m. duval #204}

the reason. | above.beyond

from the moment i first saw you

the second that you were born

i knew that you were the love of my life

quite simply the love of my life

{c. simon}

to my darling annie.

you are everything to me.

you are my reason.

i never knew motherhood could be like this.

each day something new.

watching you grow, 

expanding your world.

your heart is so pure with so much love.

your kindness and genuine interest in people are attributes that make my smile.

i learn from you.

my dream come true.

you + i were  meant to be.

and to  my husband, thank you for this gift of motherhood.

a path i was convinced i would never be on.

you entered my world and nothing will ever be the same.

xoxoxo

[tea for mom] | above. beyond

'cause you're already home

making it nice for when I come 

like the way I find my bed turned down

coming in from a late night out

{c. simon}

the tea kettle whistles loudly, i pour the hot water into a mug being careful not to let the tea bag string fall in. opening up a packet of sweetener i tap the last specks into the hot liquid. a dash of milk swirls around in a cyclone as my spoon blends it all together.  i carefully fold a napkin in a fan and slip it through the handle and proceed up the stairs. after all, presentation is everything.  i always made her a cup of tea. it was sort of our thing. i took great pride in bringing comfort. a nice hot cup of tea. for mom.

may is a tough month. it always will be. mother's day. another reminder on top of a million reminders that mom is no longer here. may. the  month she left me. i know i have no right to complain. i had my mom for a long time in my world. i am lucky for that. but i'm just going to be selfish for a minute. and long for this woman who told me after i graduated from college, and i quote, "you can do whatever the hell you want to in this world meg". so for this moment, i want to be sad. and miss my mom. and miss all the great things about her. the smell of her skin, her warm hands, the way she always looked at her rings, her laugh, her support where my life was concerned, her humor, her kindness, her adoration for her grandchildren and the children that gave her those grandchildren, her love for my dad, caring about the little things, handwritten notes, pea soup, phone conversations, making everything so nice, her love for me and of course the love i know she would have for my little girl. i just have to keep remembering that. 

happy mother's day mom. thank you for you. you are missed. 

xo

[with acres of sky] | above.beyond

I built my house from barley rice

Green pepper walls and water ice

Tables of paper wood

Windows of light

And everything emptying into white

A simple garden, with acres of sky

A brown-haired dogmouse

If one should drop by

Yellow delanie would sleep well at night

And everything emptying into white

And everything emptying into white

A blue eyed drummer rehearses outside

A black spider dancing on top of his eye

Red legged chicken stands ready to strike

And everything emptying into white

{c. stevens}

{too busy eating the delish eggs to shoot them! going back on a warm glowy evening - thanks malia xo}

jKj | baby sweet

from the moment i first saw you

the second that you were born

i knew that you were the love of my life

quite simply the love of my life

{c. simon}

jackson hawk.7 july.2011.best.smile. xo