[the girl]

"and suddenly, 
the clouds parted and she realized
what she had been following.
she saw it there in the distance 
like a house with wings and 
a candle burning in every window:  
her heart. So, of course, 
she had to enter.
once you follow your heart, 
and then find it,
you must open the door"
(monique duval)

I have a childhood memory. I was crying. I think I cried a lot as a little person.  Apparently I was really sensitive. My dad took my picture during one of these moments. It hung on our wall for as long as I could remember. My dad always had a camera. He would print 5x7’s of his favorite shots, framed in black and hung on the walls of our family home.  We had photos all over the walls. Our family history, up there on display,  for all to see.  He would shoot slide film and store the boxes in an old metal filing cabinet in the basement. His distinctive handwriting labeled each box with the memory that was captured inside.  I have shoeboxes filled with of a lot of his slides. He had a great eye. Some really cool shots have been discovered going through these boxes.  He was my inspiration for picking up a camera in high school.  I’m sure he doesn’t know this, but it was a way for me to connect with him. I was so intrigued with what came out of his camera that I wanted to try it for myself. But I also wanted to be close to him. He let me use his old Minolta. I loved it. He told me stories about his father, my grandfather, who was a great photographer equipped with his own darkroom. I never met my grandfather. I was so disappointed when he told me he had thrown out all his darkroom equipment during a cleaning spree. I always wanted my own darkroom.  I joined the photography club in high school, learned to develop my own film. It became a part of who I was and who I would be. When I was 17 my dad took me to Paris and I remember thinking how lucky I was that I could take photographs like he did, in such a beautiful place. I like to think that the desire was handed down from my grandfather, to my father and then to me.  
I went to school for Interior Design and dreamed of being a set designer on Broadway -[ that’s another story]. I can never leave a store without a new mag in hand – but in the spirit of being green I try very hard to use the internet to feed that desire more and more.  I love to knit and have just rediscovered crocheting. I used to take crochet lessons when I was in the 5th grade. I remember clearly the pink and cranberry colored poncho I made. The 70’s, love the 70’s. I believe every moment in life can be stated with a quote from Steel Magnolias. I love, no strike that, adore, yes adore,   Carly Simon and never ever tire of listening to her music. A perfectly brewed pot of loose leaf tea makes my day. I heart anything Paris. Sometimes nothing will do but a cold coke on ice with a wedge of lime. Lime.  My  favorite  color. I guess I’m still very sensitive and have been known to cry over commercials.  My heart was filled with the biggest love of all the day I gave birth to my darling daughter Annie Viola. She amazes me every day of my life and my heart skips a beat every single time I catch a glimpse of her sweet face.  She’s a beautiful little creature.
And not a single day goes by that I don’t miss my mother. xo


1 comment:

Lisa Jay said...

I love your words here. Heart felt. Glad I stopped by your blog.