27 May 2012

27 may | life.

if you miss the train i'm on,
then you'll know that i am gone
you can hear the whistle blow 100 miles

i still cry for my mother. i have cried for 7 years. not all the time. not everyday. but i do. these moments sneak up on me. i'll hear a song or watch a movie or it will be raining or i'll be feeling blue and all my feelings tucked away in my heart explode and i can't help it. the freight train hits me. hard. right in my face. i don't apologize for it. the tears. in some twisted way it makes me feel closer to her. i always wanted to feel a breeze and know in that instant that it was my mom passing through. but it never happens. the magical appearance of a feather or a long lost item. it doesn't come. i wish for her ghost, but she doesn't appear. silly i know. this longing for a sign. but the truth is, she lives on inside of me and in the beauty that is my little girl. but just once, i'd like to feel her hand on my shoulder or brush against my cheek. in a small moment. then i wouldn't feel so alone. 

i miss you mom. 28 september 1928- 27 may 2005. xo


Anonymous said...

Oh Meg, this is absolutely beautiful. I can just hear our mom singing along to this, one of her favorite PP&M tunes...her soft, sweet voice singing away in her home that she so enjoyed...and we so enjoyed sharing with her. I know this is a day to celebrate her life, and I do. Yet I cry for the immeasurable loss of our girl...thank you for your beautiful tribute to our Annie, whose love will never die. xoxo, Keek

my favorite and my best- MFAMB to you said...

this kills me hard.

i still have my mom but i inherently know what you mean. i wait for it like a contagion.

so sad. life.