[tea for mom] | above. beyond

'cause you're already home

making it nice for when I come 

like the way I find my bed turned down

coming in from a late night out

{c. simon}

the tea kettle whistles loudly, i pour the hot water into a mug being careful not to let the tea bag string fall in. opening up a packet of sweetener i tap the last specks into the hot liquid. a dash of milk swirls around in a cyclone as my spoon blends it all together.  i carefully fold a napkin in a fan and slip it through the handle and proceed up the stairs. after all, presentation is everything.  i always made her a cup of tea. it was sort of our thing. i took great pride in bringing comfort. a nice hot cup of tea. for mom.

may is a tough month. it always will be. mother's day. another reminder on top of a million reminders that mom is no longer here. may. the  month she left me. i know i have no right to complain. i had my mom for a long time in my world. i am lucky for that. but i'm just going to be selfish for a minute. and long for this woman who told me after i graduated from college, and i quote, "you can do whatever the hell you want to in this world meg". so for this moment, i want to be sad. and miss my mom. and miss all the great things about her. the smell of her skin, her warm hands, the way she always looked at her rings, her laugh, her support where my life was concerned, her humor, her kindness, her adoration for her grandchildren and the children that gave her those grandchildren, her love for my dad, caring about the little things, handwritten notes, pea soup, phone conversations, making everything so nice, her love for me and of course the love i know she would have for my little girl. i just have to keep remembering that. 

happy mother's day mom. thank you for you. you are missed. 

xo

[a lime slice]. bright yellow paint

"And what does it feel like?" we asked.

"Well," she said,

           leaning over

         to us like a secret,

       "it feels like a gust of wind blowing inside

                            your heart.

              It feels like

             bright yellow paint." [m. duval]

[photos circa 1977ish - my high school photography class - l to r. mb, mom, kerry]

today is my mom's birthday. she would have been 82. wow. 82!!! she would have been the most beautiful 82 year old out there. that's for sure. i found these photos of my mom with my two sisters, mary beth and kerry. i remember this. it was thanksgiving i think or maybe approaching christmas. i was taking photography in high school and was practicing. i remember setting up these shots - using the light from the table lamp - i think i draped something over it to get the light on their faces. all i can say is. this was my mom in all her happiness. having her two daughters by her side - ok three but someone had to try to focus the lens - i love these three moments forever captured on film. the first shot mom being smooched - i adore the smile on her face -  pure. the second shot, no doubt mb said something funny, she always does. look at my mom laughing, look at mb looking at my mom laughing. look at kerry looking at mb looking at my mom laughing! well you get it.  i.adore.this.shot. this is how i remember my mom - this is how i remember being with my sisters. and the last shot - the girls resting their heads on mom's shoulders. don't we all want to rest our heads on our mom's shoulders? i do. annie was just doing that to me when i dropped her off at school this morning. it's the best feeling.

i chose these photos to share on my mom's birthday and also the beautiful words of monique duval because happiness, love, laughter, bliss, comfort, security, joy, motherhood, silliness, sisterhood, gladness, and womanhood are most definitely like bright yellow paint. sunny and good.

happy birthday mom. i love you. xo